These are in order of least-loathed to most-loathed. Remember, however, that I'd still rather watch all 10 in succession than half an hour of Moonlighting.

Odd, isn't it, that most episodes that concern shuttlecrafts tend to bite the big one? I cite, for example, "Galileo 7" (obviously), "The Way to Eden" and, oh, there are probably some others I can't think of right now. However, exceptions to this rule include "The Doomsday Machine" and "Menagerie."

The shuttlecraft is a kind of boring device to start with. Who the hell would want to fly something they couldn't look out of the window of?

Anyway, Zefrem Cochrane's character is dull, and when the "Companion" speaks (via "universal translator") and is revealed to be female, it's hard to resist vomiting projectiles in graceful (if vile) arcs. No breasts. One incorporeal beast. Electricity fu. Gregg Joe says fail to check it out.

First, get rid of John Megna. Now, he may be a very nice person, but his character is so irritating that I'm sure most viewers would have no qualms about smacking the back of his head until his ears ring. Second, get rid of Kim Darby. "You're becoming a woman, dear, and, naturally, since I am Jim Kirk and my Star Fleet job description calls for someone to get the hots for me at least once a week, I guess you're elected. Lucky you." Yecch.

Third, well, lose all those kids. God, what an obnoxious group. Not exactly the Vienna Boys' Choir. "'Tell 'em, Jim!' 'Tell 'em, Jim!' 'Tell 'em, Jim!'" "Bonk bonk on the head!" Get out the Spanking Patrol. I think the Grups are far more endearing than those filthy, wretched beasts.

Finally, Kirk's victory speech, which goes something like, "Don't worry: you'll like mating" is annoying. (Or is that in "The Apple"? What's the difference?)

The whole episode is incredibly grating, and it's difficult not to hope that the entire native population turns into Grups and drives tricycles over cliffs or something.

"No more 'Blah blah blah!'"

Come on: Spock's flirting with a woman in a costume far more appropriate for someone with more limbs. Kirk doesn't utterly clock the High Floonbeard, or whatever the hell he's called, while they're duking it out in the mines. And please : Troglytes? In itself, this is an insult to the intelligence of anyone with more than 1,000 words in his or her vocabulary. I guess the government up in the clouds said, "Hey, let's give those dark-haired people a name that's similar to an Earth word for 'caveman' and see what happens." Pfftttffftpft.

Gotta knock dem cotton-pickin' slaves down where dey belong. In The World of Star Trek David Gerrold points out that a) he came up with the story and b) the script writers butchered it. I believe him, but it's hard not to wonder just how good his version was.

And what kills it even more, if this is possible, is the "Spock's Log" in which he expresses his little crush on the silly blonde. "Even the name, 'Droxine'..." he blithers. Sorry, El Spocko; "Droxine" is the name of special chocolate space cookies that you can only get from the vending machines aboard Star Fleet vessels.

It really makes me want to talk on the big, white phone when I see heavy-handed morality plays about some human vice or another. One thing that comes to mind is a Hallmark Hall of Fame-type special from several years back called Something About Amelia, which was a) a very noble effort to alert people about an entirely heinous, desperately sick crime (i.e. incest/sexual abuse), b) well-acted all around, and c) so heavy-handed that you could slice it with a rubber knife: one of Ted Danson's lines goes something like, "So, you're going out with another boy -- ulp, erp, I mean, 'with a boy.'" That big, white phone's a-ringin'.

Well, "Let This Be Your Last Battlefield" affects me more or less the same way. It's one of those that makes me writhe in my seat and pray for a special news bulletin or something. Occcchh!... occcchhh!... ech ech ehhh... ka-blaaaaaaaahhhh!

"Captain Kiiiiirk!" "Captain Kiiiiiirk!" "Captain Kiiiiiiiiiiiiirk!" whine the three witches. I half expect ol' Jim to say something about "So foul and fair a day I have not seen" and Banquo's ghost to appear at dinner. The few humorous elements in "Catspaw" don't cover its general lack of merit. (Actually, the most humorous aspect -- to me, anyway -- is in the blooper reel where James Doohan trips over a crack in the floor while pretending to be walking dead.)

There's really little else to say: I mean, what can you say about a 30-year-old episode that died?

5. "Galileo 7": Why doesn't Spock totally bust Mr. Boma down to toilet-licking duty for treating him the way he does? Spock should dust the guy. "Look, Mr. Boma, I'm a superior officer, a much stronger person and a far better actor, so stuff a sock in it or else I'll mind-meld you to a rock or something."

Possibly the sole merit in this episode is watching Gaetano prepare to shuffle off his weenie-esque mortal coil. I mean, not that I would wish anything bad on a real person or anything, but the guy's character is a real stomach-turner. Here's Gaetano, almost wetting himself in fear (which is understandable) as a huge and certainly dangerous Glootman (or whatever) advances upon him -- Gaetano has this justifiably horrified expression and is further expressing himself with tiny, negative shakes of his head as if to say, "No, don't kill me. Please don't kill me." Well, this behavior's reasonable, I guess, but he's dealing with a Glootman who has a Glootwife and Glootkids to feed. "No, don't kill me," says Gaetano. "Um, okay," says the Glootman. I think not. In fact, by that point we're rooting for Gaetano to make himself ultra-scarce.

There's usually a commercial at that point, at which it's time to limp into the john and vigorously and violently barf.

However, when Captain Kirk, having magically recovered from the shot where they show him backwards, takes the floor and speaks the "sacred" words that we all (except for the Jehovah's Witnesses) had to dutifully repeat in school, it's really hard to fight back that urge to gag loudly and repeatedly. And then, when you least expect it... Hu-bleaah!